Narcissistic Abuse is a very considerable mindfuck and can leave victims in a bewildered state for years, devastate lives, and in many instances lead to suicide. Victims can help themselves enormously by getting help to resolve their issues quicker – psychologically, physically and legally. But should this be with a therapist, a counsellor or a life coach?
Therapist’s Qualifications vs NPD Experience
It is widely perceived that in order to understand NPD and narcissistic abuse you first need to be subjected to it, either as a child or partner of someone with NPD, over a long period of time, and them do considerable research about the disorder.
My own experience with professional and licensed therapists was not good – the first three failed to spot it completely. The fourth (to whom I went with the stated belief that my partner had it and that I needed help to exit the marriage as a result) committed error after error – from the very start when she suggested that both of us attend, and rather than seeking to protect me, she tried to resolve the issues with the marriage. In my view, her lack of understanding of NPD was tantamount to professional gaslighting.
Rather than clarify and validate, she confused me further just at the time when I was beginning to make sense of it.
Rather than help me understand NPD, she sought to give me the right tools (suited to normal relationships), but for the wrong job – I had been trying normal techniques for decades, what I need to understand was the counter-intuitive thinking required for an NPD relationship.
Rather than protect me and my mental health, she gave me false hope which pushed me further into bewilderment and despair.
Rather than help me, she pushed me dangerously close to suicide.
So do qualifications and a licence and general experience mean that therapists are well-positioned to assist victims of Narcissistic Abuse? I firmly think not.
Therapy in Practice
Therapists are trained to ask questions, and by doing so lead you to the right answers yourself. It is all based around conventional wisdom. They are trained NOT to prescribe solutions, nor are they trained to think counter-intuitively – and without a deep understanding of NPD, nor would they be able to. Moreover, they are bound by a strict code of conduct that prevents them from straying from a narrow track of professional ethics.
This severely limits the assistance they can give to victims of narcissistic abuse, who are battling less with themselves but more with an external and counter-intuitive threat who is determined to continue to abuse at will.
Dealing with, and recovering from, narcissistic abuse requires a very detailed understanding of NPD. It needs a style that is assertive and robust. It requires lateral thinking without the restriction of a strict code of ethics, not least because the victim’s abuser respects no law or social norm and will exploit anyone who does. And it also requires a deep understanding of the physical implications of abuse.
So where traditional therapy revolves around you and your understanding of you, my focus goes beyond this to include:
- Physical health
- Physical security
- Practical and psychological solutions to protect yourself.
- Practical strategies to limit the smear campaign and the mission to destroy.
- Solutions to protect other loved ones – esp co-parented kids.
- Psychological strategies to dovetail with divorce and legal proceedings.
In short, where therapists are trained, licensed and experienced in resolving internal issues to you, my work includes external strategies designed to resolve a much wider and more complex situation.
Could I be a Licensed Therapist?
I’d like to be – sadly I can’t because the code of conduct is too restrictive to allow me to challenge unconventional wisdom and to deploy counter-narcissism strategies.
How Cost-Effective is My Work?
A conventional therapist will charge in the region of £60 / €70 / $80 per session. I charge €70.
A lawyer will typically charge in the region of £115-400, $150-500, €135-450 per hour. Their work achieves a legal result but will usually take considerable time and many billable hours. Little of that investment heals you psychologically, and it will certainly takes it toll on your mental and physical health.
My work is aimed to dramatically reduce the need for lawyers by making the narcissist more amenable, to sped up the entire process, to get you back to mental and physical health, to heal you and deliver a wide range of additional benefits.
The case studies I have worked on to date will give you a better idea of the range of applications I work on.
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